February 2022 review: Mixed feelings

February was a month of contradicting feelings. It lacked clarity. At least writing about it gives a sense of clarity 😄. So, let’s go:

These were the things I was looking forward in February:

• Do more of the things I love
• Gain more clarity through writing the business plan
• Maybe: participate at the wedding dinner of a friend in Barcelona 😊.

Indeed, I did more of the things I love: meeting old and new friends, eat a lot of yummy food, and go for walks.

And, I started to write my business plan for my mental health platform Gesund in MeinerStadt. It feels good to form more detailed ideas and analyse possible costs and gains in detail.

Last but not least, despite that I felt too busy to go it, I decided to join the wedding dinner of my good friend Diego in Barcelona. During my one-week-stay in the city, I met old classmates and colleagues, and visited places that reminded me of meaningful events of the time, when I was a fine arts student and a young designer twenty years ago.

I guess, one has to take the chances that are offered to you in life.

#1 Mixed feelings when working on Gesund in MeinerStadt

On one hand, after I have conducted interviews with former nurses Michaela and Paul, and followed the conversation of family members of individuals affected by mental illness, I get the feeling that a platform for mental health is urgently needed: The lack of information and the complexity of finding their way to the right treatments and support services was very present.

On the other hand, I find a lot of great platform solutions that already exist on the market, which give me the impression that I don’t even need to start.

I can only guess, that many solutions still need time to be implemented and integrated in society. I will find out eventually. Until then, I will continue my journey and stay curious.

#2 Mixed feelings when observing the reactions on the Russian-Ukrainian war

Shitty war 🤮! Heartbreaking stories fill my heart and mind. I donate and offer my couch for people in need of a place to stay. And I get goosebumps when seeing the solidarity of so many people and companies around me.

At the same time I can’t help but wonder: What about the many other victims of violent conflicts in the world? Why do people around me seem to mobilise so much more support in this case? How about the families with little children who are living in concentration-camp-like locations at the borders of Europe since many years? Why do we make this difference? Of course I can understand why. But still – this 2nd or 3rd class treatment of conflicts and victims seems so unfair to me.

These racist double standards in Western media coverage of Ukrainians fleeing Russia's invasion have sparked outrage online. pic.twitter.com/kOXE3JFeHj

— AJ+ (@ajplus) March 1, 2022

#3 Mixed feelings with regards to the relationship between my son and my husband

I have never felt jealous when my partners talked to other women or had other women as friends or even more. But I can feel jealous of the relationships of others. When I had no friends, I was jealous when others had friends. When I had friends, I was jealous when I wasn’t the best friend or when others had a closer relationship. However, these feelings of jealousy decreased with the growing understanding, that to develop friendships, it needs interest and resources from the other person, as well as opportunity and a mixture of likeminded personality, same values and experiences. Therefore, sometimes, it’s just not a match!

My husband and my son had always been very close. This is nice and I feel happy for them. At the same time, I feel jealous, and wish I would have the same close relationship with my son. I know that there are reasons why it is like this. I accept it, both, the difference of relationships and my mixed feelings about it. Sometimes it’s easier, sometimes it’s less easy. In February, it was less easy.

If you love somebody, set them free. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.

Richard Bach

What else happened?

• I have started with Sylvia Gelman’s eye trainings and already have achieved small successes.

• Riding the bike to the office felt too exhausting in February
• I started to write an article on legal support service for mentally disabled adults
• I use water instead of toilet paper at home since two months now – saving so much toilet paper waste!

• Joined the 4-week communication course of Jutta Büttner to improve my communication skills.

How was your February 😊?