Being aware of microaggressions and tackling them, helps to reduce barriers and to create a culture for smooth collaboration. That’s why I join my own blog parade “My latest tales of everyday microaggressions” and share some of the microaggressions I have experienced in the recent months.
As someone who is healthy, educated, and who speaks perfect German, I am treated more easily on eye-level than people from other marginalised groups. Also, the fact that China has gained tremendous economic power in the last 30 years, helps many people to see Asians with more respect than in the past.
Most of the time, I surround myself with a circle of selected people. I chose to live in an international city and I chose to work in an international work environment. I choose to spent my time with like-minded people. That’s why I don’t experience microaggressions often.
Nevertheless, I do experience them. Here are my recent experiences on microaggressions, how they made me feel, and how I reacted:
- The reason why this work suits you is because someone else with the same race does something similar.
The situation:
Last weekend, I joined the 30th anniversary of my high school graduation. When I was asked by a former school mate what I was doing now, I replied I was working in science communications. My school mate said: “How nice! That really suits you!” I was pleased with the statement as I assumed she remembered me as an honest and intelligent person 😊. Then she said: “That’s probably because this …I can’t remember her name…!” I said, “Mai Thi” (a popular science communicator in Germany of Vietnamese descent) “Yes, exactly! That’s probably why I thought it suited you so much!”.
How I felt:
I felt disappointed (“After all, she doesn’t remember me as a person.“) 😒. I also felt a bit embarrassed for her (“How can you say something so irrational?”).
How I reacted:
“Ah.” - You are a tasty thing.
The situation:
Yesterday, I gave some cookies to fellow members of my water sports club. When I said goodbye to them, one of them said, while pointing to the cookie: “They are very tasty!” A bystander said: “Who is tasty? She or they?” (in German, we use the same word for “they” and “she”). They laughed.
How I felt:
On one hand good, because I was considered to be a “tasty” person (after so many years when I was considered “gross” by my classmates). On the other hand, a bit disgusted by this chauvinistic joke.
How I reacted:
“You are also tasty!” 😅🤮 - As an Asian, you aren’t local.
The Situation:
Some weeks ago, I was walking with a friend through the city when a woman approached us. She asked for directions. While talking, she only made eye contact with my friend (blond, tall, blue-eyed, German, but not originally from Frankfurt).
How I felt:
Ignored. Discriminated. Angry (“I am local, I was born in Frankfurt, why doesn’t she even consider me to be competent enough to tell her how to get there?”).
How I reacted:
I started to explain her how to get to the place to show her I am competent. She then finally made eye contact with me. - As an Asian, you aren’t German.
The Situation:
At the beginning of this year, I took part in an organised family holiday. One evening, we went bowling. Because there were so many kids queuing for their turn to throw the ball, I decided not to join the game. I started to talk to the other parents and one mother said to me: “Why don’t you participate? You can learn something about German culture!”
How I felt:
Annoyed (“Yep, I know I’m an alien and I need to learn a lot about German culture!”).
How I reacted:
“Oh, I played bowling at a lot of birthday parties when I was a teenager!” - As a woman, you don’t work full time, because you take care of the kid.
The Situation:
Some months ago, I went sailing with a male fellow member. During the trip, he asked me whether I was working part-time. I said, I was working full-time. He said: “Someone has to take care of the child”.
How I felt:
Slightly annoyed. On one hand, I felt it was the normal thing to ask. Yes, someone has to take care of the child. On the other hand, I felt that usually women were asked this question, not men.
How I reacted:
I explained: “Our son goes to school. After school he goes to after-school nursery.” - As an Asian, you aren’t local.
The Situation:
Some weeks ago, I spontaneously joined a group of fellow members of my water sports club for their barbecue. While introducing myself, I explained that I was born in Frankfurt. Someone said: “Yes, many people come from outside of Frankfurt.”
How I felt:
A bit tired (“Yes, but I just said ….”, “I know it’s difficult to believe I am actually local.”)
How I reacted:
“But I was born in Frankfurt.” 😭 - As an Asian, you aren’t educated.
The situation:
In spring, I went on a paddling tour on the Rhine river. On our way to the training spot, I talked to the guy who sat next to me in the car. He had been working as a physiotherapist for some years. As I said that I easily become carsick, he asked me if there were complications during my birth. He said: “I observed that children with certain disorders of the – this is probably a term you don’t know – ‘early childhood reflexes’ easily become carsick.”
How I felt:
I felt like I was being taken for a fool (“Why do you think I don’t know this term?”).
How I reacted:
“Ah, how interesting!” - Your name isn’t normal
The situation:
Last year, I was invited for dinner in Bruges, by a member of my favourite organisation, Junior Chamber International. It was an exclusive dinner for members with a Senator status (for outstanding contributions to the organisation on a local, national and international level). We introduced ourselves. During the conversation, we also talked about our kids. When it was my turn, one of the members asked me whether my kid had a “normal” name.
How I felt:
I was hurt. The feeling of always being the weird one with the ching-chang-chong-name and the “slit eyes”, the feeling of not being normal and not belonging, struck me again. And I was angry and disappointed (“As a Senator with international exposure, you should know better.”)
How I reacted:
I murmbled so quietly that probably no one understood it: “You mean, a normal name like mine?” - As an Asian, you all speak the same language and it’s totally okay to make fun of you in public.
The Situation:
During Easter holidays, I spent some days hiking with my son in the Saxon Switzerland National Park. We boarded a ferry. A group of drunken youngsters boarded the ferry, too. One of them looked at us and shouted: “Konnichiwa!” (a Japanese greeting) which was followed by loud laughter from the bystanders.
How I felt:
I immediately felt alert, because the region is “famous” for its Neo-Nazis. I looked around and only saw two passengers who didn’t laugh (“Would they help us if the group would start to bully us more aggressively?”). During the last days, I had only seen one other Asian face in the area. We were clearly in the minority. My brain worked hard (“How can I protect my son?”).
How I reacted:
I remained calm on the outside. My son said: “They are making fun of us.” I said: “Yes. They think we are Japanese.” My son said: “Yes. Next time I will call them Albanians.” “Why Albanians?” I asked perplexed. “Because like we aren’t Chinese nor Japanese, they aren’t Albanians.” Wow. When we reached the other side of the river, we got on the train. We both hid behind the seats and regularly checked, if the group was following us.
Join my blog parade “My latest tales of everyday microaggressions”!
How did you like the stories? Can you relate? I have only experienced a few incidents of microaggressions in the recent months. Other people experience microaggressions and open discrimination on a daily basis.
Again others seem not to experience them at all. The ones who don’t experience them, are often not aware of them. They usually don’t see the “problem”. That’s why these stories have to be told.
And I myself use microaggressions against others, too. These stories also have to be told (read my article: I confess: I am full of intolerances and prejudices). To show that we all do it, and to reflect and to avoid using them in the future.
Thank you for sharing these very personal experiences and insights with us! This is not a given. Some of the experiences are of course familiar to me – chauvinism and mansplaning are an everyday phenomenon for me too. Your experiences as an Asian-looking woman from Frankfurt make me sad, but unfortunately they don’t completely surprise me either. Thank you and let’s work together to ensure that we stand together more than next to each other.
Thank you, Eva, for your nice comment ❤️!
It would be great to read your stories 😂😅!
Finally I reached your blog! I appreciate that you have spent your busy time describing your microagressions. I’m not as brave as you but I think it’s very healthy to write them down, just to remember them. Maybe I will do that, but not on the network. Above all, just thanks for sharing, and see you around… hopefully…
Hola Juan, me alegro ❤️. Nos veremos pronto.
This makes me sad. Though I am really glad you wrote about it. Being different makes us strong. And still it is important to share how we deal with all this. I learned something new from you today. 谢谢
Thank you, dear Judith ❤️